Updates..

It's been so long since I updated.. things have been so crazy. So much has happened.

Things have been amazing with Seana. We fit together on so many different levels that I don't know of anyone, anywhere that has what we have. And considering that it seems like so many other folks in Blackburne and Hale's are having love life problems, it seems bizarre that Seana and I should be one of the few stable relationships in this world. However, it works, and I couldn't be happier.

I moved in with Seana, sharing her boat on Hale's. I still have my garage on Blackburne, and I still work there and do my usual duties at Firefly's.

A while back Seana and I took a few days to fly to Ariel for the purposes of meeting her family. Seana comes from a very different world than I do; Her family owns one of the largest shipbuilding corporations in the 'Verse, and I wasn't sure what to expect. She also comes from a vastly different cultural background.

Her mother and father were incredibly gracious. I figured the best thing to do was to be on my best, most polite, most formal behavior, given her cultural background, and it apparently impressed them. Seana's mother and father gave their approval for our wedding, but compared to her grandfather, they seemed like normal people. Seana's grandfather was like most stoic, wizened, stereotypical Old Wise Asian(tm) from every old Earth-that-was Vid that you've ever seen.

Somehow I managed to not embarass myself. Somehow, I managed to do everything right and show proper respect, and Seana's grandfather gave his approval. I think partially it was because he could see just how happy Seana was.

The crowning glory of the trip though, was meeing Seana's "crazy" Uncle Elsoph. He's a mad engineer like I am, and obviously we're kindred spirits. We spent a lot of time together in Elsoph's lab discussing thermal engine dynamics, aerodynamic efficiency, and who made a better captain, Kirk or Picard. We hit it off immediately.

Seana took me around the core a bit, we went shopping, went sightseeing, but unfortunately, the trip was over way too soon and we were back on Hale's.


Shortly after we got back to Hale's, more drama came around. Seana, TD, Immy and I all agreed to adopt LilyBell, and officially become a family.. TD proposed to Immy, too.. LilyBell, well, she's always on the move and on the run and I simply can't keep up with everything she's going through, but there's a lot there.

Also, there's still this warbot situation to take care of. The warbot factory operation was seemingly destroyed on Blackburne, although I have my doubts as to whether or not they were totally annihilated. Only time will tell, but I -know- they're still on Hale's, and will be implementing my retro-suicide-virus on them soon. I've got a bot in my posession that I've infected, and now I've got to send it back to the nest and hope it infects it's brethren.

I've signed on to crew with a Firefly as well, the Full Burn.. It'll be similar to when I was on the Raven, shipping out of Washburne, only this time shipping out of Blackburne and Hale's. Seana, Immy, TD, and Belize are crewing as well. We haven't actually gone on any missions yet, but I'm sure we'll ship out soon. But before we do, Seana made TD agree that we'd take Full Burn to the Kawanishi Shipyards for a full refit led by Elsoph and Me before we took on any missions. I can't wait for that.

Until we get Full Burn refitted though, Seana and I are also in the planning stages for our wedding. We call each other wife now, but we aren't officially married yet. May as well be, and the ceremony will just solidify and legitimize to the rest of the 'verse what we already know and feel in our hearts. We're planning on a small ceremony on Ariel, with Seana's family, followed by bigger receptions on Blackburne and Hale's.

So much to do, so little time..

Sabrina has a heart attack..

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.

I asked Seana to marry me.

Not like it was any big surprise..

She said yes.

Oh god, oh god.
Please god, let this time be real.

Addendum

They say that if you don't ask, you won't receive.

Looking over these notes and entries.. Can it be that just
a few weeks ago I was ready to walk away from everything again?

I was asking for someone to send me an angel. I asked for a Happy Ever After.

Guess someone was listening after all. But I have to be grateful to the
folks who told me I was being silly, wanting to run away. If I'd run
away, headed out into the wastes again, I would've missed my opportunity.

Thanks, everybody..

And thank you, Sea. I've got a reason to fight again, a reason to survive and perservere and tell this gorram world that I'm not gonna let it swallow me up.

Amazing..

Dear Cortex Diary..

I have a new girlfriend now. Seana and I have been seeing each other for a while now. We're so incredibly cute. *giggle* Plus, well, it's kinda wierd and kinda neat to be dating the Mayor of the Hale's Colony. I mean, yeah, how'd THAT happen?

First I date someone who ends up being a ninja mercenary formerly in the employ of Adelai Niska.. She two-times me and tries to fall on her sword.. And now I'm dating a political figure in charge of an entire colony? Do I know how to pick 'em or what?

And the funny thing is, we were both crushing on Imrhien. Hard. To the point we both were obsessing over her. Makes for funny stories.. 'course, it would also make for one heck of a three way.. *evil giggle*

But, wow.. Seana's amazing. And so is the sex. *laughing*

Unexpected..

Dear Cortex Diary,

So.. yeah, wow..

Life just got -real- interesting. Bunch of different ways.. Don't know that I can say a whole lot just yet.. But wanna say something so I remember the date. 'Cos I won't forget -why- I wrote this.. But I'm gonna wanna remember when.

Crazy stuff, this.. Some good stuff, too.. but holy crap my world's gonna be inside out for a while.

I could get used to this.

Premature..

Cortex Entry 12-25-08

Okay, so maybe I spoke too soon.. was a bit premature in my rambling and emo-ness..

Chol wanted to take my hammer and knock some sense into me. Ended up he didn't need to..

Call it a Holiday Miracle, call it hormonal chemistry fixing itself, call it whatever you want.. but I was able to get my head sorted out and straight without having to run away.

I found my Holiday spirit last night. That hasn't happened in a looong time. And I was able to share that with a lot of folks at the bar. And I'm glad for that.

Maybe I need to let Chol have the right to smack me in the head in the future if I get like that.. He used to be really good at that when I was still new at Firefly's and recovering..

In the meantime, though.. Happy Holidays to one and all!

Retreat and regroup

Cortex Diary, Dec. 23

Something's wrong with me.

I don't know what it is.. but something's definitely wrong. Everything feels wrong. Nothing makes sense in my head.

I feel alone. Even when I'm with everyone at the bar, I feel alone. I feel invisible and unnoticed and unloved and undesirable and just not as good as everyone else. And I know that's not true, but I can't stop feeling it.

I said I wasn't gonna go back out to the wastes anymore.. but I don't know if I can keep this up.. don't know if I can continue to pretend like I'm not hurting. Can't keep pretending to be normal. I'm not normal.

I wonder if I need time away. Maybe head out to the wastes again after the show. Or maybe just lock myself up in the workshop for a while, work on some projects I've been putting off. Just can't keep being around everyone else for a while. Not while they all seem to be having okay lives and I have to keep pretending like mine isn't a pitiful lonely existence.

Maybe Shen wasn't the one who should've fallen on a sword.

Worse still is seeing everyone else -- part of me wants to end it all and be done with it.. and part of me just feels frustration and rage and wants to take it out on all of them. Sometimes feel like I'm gonna start randomly shooting folks 'cos I can't stand to see everyone so gorram cheerful and happy and lovey-dovey. I want to scream.

God.. Buddha.. Whatever.. Something, show me the way. Show me the light. Send me an Angel. Help me, please. Or just leave me alone to die.