What have I done?

What have I done?

Oh, gods, what have I done?

Was it all a mistake?  Did I overreact?
Should I have left more than just a haiku?  Should we have sat down and talked?

*sigh* I just don't know.  I've spent nearly every day since I left in tears.  I can't believe I'd somehow thought she'd lost interest in me or stopped loving me.  Every day feels like a knife twist in my heart, and all I want to do is turn this shuttle around and fly right back to her arms and never leave her side ever again.

I have to fight myself not to send a wave to her.. even something as simple as "I still love you. I'm sorry."

But I'm scared. I'm scared of what she'd say.  Scared I'd be right and that she doesn't care.  Even more scared I'd be wrong & that I hurt her as much I hurt myself this time.

I don't even know where I'm going.  Mostly I just leave the shuttle on auto-pilot and curl up with my head on my knees and sob.  I don't have a future, don't have a home, don't have a family, and the worst part is that I guess I did it to myself.  All over some damn foolish pride.

The whiskey bottle's not much comfort, but it's all I've got for now.  I almost wish she'd come after me and hunt me down, to either put me out of my misery or just to tell me what a damn fool I've been, just so I could look into her eyes one last time.

I just wish things could go back to the way they were and they can't, won't ever be the same.